The nation may be fearful that Christmas will be a no, no, no this year but food and drinks makers are planning to put the ho,ho,ho back with a range of barmy products.
From two-metre long pigs in blankets and chicken doughnut dippers to novelty Percy Pig mince pies and sherry and balsamic vinegar Christmas puds, supermarkets and online retailers are planning to turn the festive holiday into a cracker.
So whether we’re still bound by the rule of six or banned from mixing with other households, here’s a taste of what will be on offer in stores and online to cheer us all up and make it a very merry Quirk-mas.
Collection Beef and Bone marrow Pie (1.2kg), £20, Marks & Spencer
Comic book legend Desperate Dan would be proud of this monster pie complete with a huge marrow bone sticking out of the centre.
Chicken Doughnut Dippers (330g), £5, Marks & Spencer
They look like mini-doughnuts especially when dipped in the BBQ sauce and waffle sprinkles but are all chicken and will mess with your head.
Two-metre Long Pig in Blanket (850g), £4.99, Aldi
Designed as a centrepiece, it’s just as well it’s a big twirl – otherwise how would it fit in the oven?
Pulled Pork and Panchetta Cracker (400g), £3.99, Aldi
Shaped like a cracker and filled with pulled pork, Italian panchetta and cranberry sauce – it’s a great play on words.
Pigs in Blankets Noodles (80g) £1, Sainsbury’s
One of the weirdest Christmas food fixes out there.
Candied Pigs in Blankets (242g), £2.25, Asda
Going with the sweet and savoury trend, they come with a sachet of spiced sugar to sprinkle over before cooking.
Heston Sherry & Balsamic Vinegar Christmas Pudding (800g), £14 Waitrose
Who else would think of adding balsamic vinegar to a Christmas pud other than culinary genius Heston Blumenthal. But the proof, as they say, will be in the pudding.
Heston Chocolate Bucks Fizz Candles (150g) £9, Waitrose
White chocolate candles filled with a mandarin Buck’s Fizz milk chocolate ganache will light up any table.
4 Percy Pig Percymas pies, £2, Marks & Spencer
Everyone’s favourite pig in pastry form with bright pink icing is sure to be crowd pleaser.
4 Heston Night Before Christmas Mince Pies £3, Waitrose
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A golden carrot and caraway shortcrust pastry, filled with carrot and mincemeat and laced with cream sherry in a nod to both Santa and sidekick Rudolph.
Ferrero Rocher-inspired Chocolate and Praline Dome (500g), £5.99, Aldi
A supersize dessert version of the famous chocolate treat, the praline dome, filled with milk chocolate and hazelnut mousse, and a cocoa sponge cake will take some beating.
Yule Dog (631g), £8, Sainsbury’s
It will give the Marks & Spencer’s Christmas Colin the Caterpillar a run for its money.
4 Irresistible Old Fashioned Clementine Buttercream Mince Pies, £2, Co-op
Inspired by the iconic Old Fashioned Cocktail they are filled with Bourbon mincemeat and bitter orange filling and finished with clementine buttercream, caramelised orange strands and gold lustre.
Finest Chocolate Orange & Maple Bauble Cake (1.08kg), £13, Tesco
An orange sponge cake topped with a white chocolate bauble decoration and maple flavoured buttercream, it has a secret centre – chocolate cereal malt balls which tumble out when sliced. Worthy of a Paul Hollywood handshake.
Honey Glazed Ham Tortilla Rolls (150g), £1, Co-op
Posh nibbles that are bound to play with around with the senses.
Irresistible Ultimate Roast Potato Hand Cooked Crisps (150g), £1.70, Co-op
In case you wondered what a roast potato made with er… potato tasted like.
McVitie’s Digestives Christmas Pudding Milk Chocolate Biscuits (250g), £1, Asda
If you haven’t got room for a portion of proper Christmas pud, this could be the answer – and you can dunk it.
Nelson’s Christmas Dinner Gin (50cl), £20, nelsonsdistillery.co.uk
It may be taking the idea of a liquid lunch a bit too far but according to Nelson’s it “serves up the sweetness of cranberry fused with the complexity of sage and hints of turkey”. And it’s vegan friendly.
Brussel Sprout Vodka (50cl), £20, nelsonsdistillery.co.uk
Said to have a “nutty cabbage” flavour, it’s a love it, or hate it tipple.
Light-up Snow Globe Gin (70cl), £18 , M&S
In two flavours – clementine or rhubarb – the sparkly gin has edible gold leaf which cascades like glittering snow and even better a little switch on the bottom of the bottle lights it up for a magical glow.
Lyme Bay Winery Christmas Pudding Wine (75cl), £9.25, masterofmalt.com
If you adore Christmas pudding and are fond of wine, then it’s the perfect combination.
Sprouts and sauces
Sauce Shop Brussels Sprout Ketchup, (255g), £3, Amazon
For those who think sprouts are not just for Christmas but all year round. Each bottle is made with 15 British sprouts seasoned with cloves, nutmeg and cinnamon and it is said to be ideal for drizzling over sarnies, canapes and Boxing Day leftovers.
Pigs in Blankets Mayo (280ml), 95p, Sainsbury’s
The second strangest one for the festive table.